everything except himself

Well, it looks like I have to find another place to put CDs. I mean, I’ve accumulated so many now. I’ve been on this kick that stealing is wrong and stuff… Anyway, so I thought I would list some of my favorite bands here:

• Our Lady Peace (they’re from Canada)
• Tantric (western influenced rock)
• Coheed & Cambria (it’s based off of a comic book… bite me)
• Sponge (my hair goes up like the lead singer’s)
• Fuel (my heart breaks at who they’re replacing the lead singer with)
• Gin Blossoms (Let’s drive have the cops chase us around…)
• Muse (if you could make music like that…)
• Bush (”Glycerine” is one of my favorite songs)
• Eve6 (”Inside Out” is my other one)
• Pixies (6… 7… 7… 7…)
• Letters to Cleo (Boston band!)
• Interpol (some of their stuff sounds like a New York band)
• Jimmy Eat World (emocore is lame… but this band is not)
• Lifehouse (”Sick Cycle Carousel”)
• Kenna (All is he - e - e - ll bent…)
• Catherine Wheel (the band is no longer together *sniff*)
• American Hi-Fi (You are just the flavor of the weak…)
• Incubus (”Stellar”)
• Chronic Future (Everything.)
• Rise Against
• Rage Against the Machine

Well, I have NO days off this week. Nice, huh? It’s cool, though, because the shifts really aren’t as long as they could be. I worked an eight hour long shift today, but, tomorrow and the next day, it’s only six long. The day after that, it’s only five long. The only plans for this week is dinner one night. Maybe I will have days off next week…

Well, tonight/this morning was wicked. I mean, yeah, it had it’s bumps, but, for the most part, it was good. Basically, I ate an early lunch with Tonya and Michael. Then, we went to the graduation. Taco Bell was next, eating in the bed of Mike’s truck. Shana’s party was after that, and then home is the end of the night.

I said some things that could be construed as… well, obnoxious, but, Chris, here’s my reasoning:

Sonny Perdue (R)

1. Tax evasion/late penalties (for his business) - Link (2002)
2. Proposing ineffective methods to handle traffic (this is a HUGE problem, still unresolved) - Link (2002)
3. Inappropriate approach to an education package (help yourself kind of thing) with “GeorgiaLearns.com” - Link (read the part on the right side, 2004)
4. Inability to follow through with his plans for increasing taxes to fix the budget - Link (2003)
5. Inappropriate tax cuts for teachers, as opposed to writing their expenses into the budget - Link (audio) (signing of Teacher Tax Cut Bill, 2005)
6. In reference to the previous point, the budget for 2005 - Link (pdf) ($146.2 million to education)

Basically, I have a problem with Sonny Perdue’s hands-off approach to things: telecommuting instead of tackling the real issue of needing effective routes for our overpopulated Metro Atlanta, “GeorgiaLearns.com” instead of a more program-oriented training, writing teacher expenses off of taxes instead of alotting them in the budget, and the list goes on. Repeated tax evasion, in my eyes, makes you a bad represenative, especially when you have been a Senator for 12 years (1990-2002). It’s an abuse of power, and it’s not right. Because it’s not right, that makes him a bad person for not following the law, until called on it.

So, I worked in the place of a girl today. Arguably, I didn’t do much at all since we were over-staffed. She had a test or something in class that she couldn’t miss. I mean, she got accidentally scheduled on that day. Well, “acidentally” is really her fault for not updating her availability, but whatever. I took her shift, anyway. Karma +1.

After work I stopped by Publix to pick up a card for my sister’s birthday. I really wanted to get something else while I was there, but I couldn’t find it. Anyway, there weren’t any express lines open, so I just chose a line. The lady in front of me looks at me…

“Is that all you’ve got?” She’s pointing to the card.

“Yeah, that’s it.” Nonchalance is cool.

“You can go ahead of me then!” The cashier has already started on the LONG line of items. I didn’t have anywhere to go anyway.

“Don’t worry about it, ma’am. Really, don’t worry about it.” Sometimes, I wonder why people try to force you like that.

“Okay…” My personality is stunning, really.

“Do you want help with that.” It really wasn’t a question; it was the thundering words of a hero.

The lady turns to the cashier, a middle-aged woman, “He won’t go ahead of me, and he’s offering to help me!” She turns back to me, “I’m sorry, but both of my two daughters are already married.”

After unloading all of the stuff but the dog food, she asks, “Can you have her scan that?” Scanned. “Okay, now scan your card, too.”

She wants to pay for my card… “Are you sure? Okay.” In one fell swoop, the card is scanned and I waltz out the door like the coolest guy to ever walk the face of the planet… er, well, at least the Publix on Highway 5.

Anyway! I have Saturday off from work, but I don’t have any minutes left in my plan to call anyone. Oh, well, the month ends soon.

Well, this weekend I have been kind of sick. I’m sure I should take care of myself better, but sometimes I just kind of feel apathetic toward that aspect of my life. It’s hard to explain. It’s really just little things, anyway. I really don’t want to live to be a very old man, so perhaps this is just a means to an end?

I realized a few things over the weekend, as well. People are so self-serving… I’m starting to think that I’m the only one who feels this way, though. It’s funny how friendships are formed. What’s even better is how they fall apart with one of the person’s desires. It’s so childish to me. Then again, I am dealing with children a lot at work, so it shouldn’t be much of a surprise to me. Eh, and I fear that one of the new girls likes me. It’s not a bad thing, but I don’t like her like that. Feh, and she’s so much more forward than most girls. Her confidence borders on arrogance. What I mean to say is, she doesn’t really know me, so what gives her the right to act the way she does? Oh, well.

Oh! No best-concert-in-the-world for Scott. Plans got changed… It’s not like there won’t be something else some time, I’m sure…

I think what it boils down to is that I just want someone who is sincere and kind. I know I’m too young for marriage. I’ve got a lot of plans that, quite frankly, don’t involve anyone else like that. I’ve all but decided to join to the Peace Corps after I graduate from college. I was actually thinking about a paper I’d written; it was an expression of being able to live without the things most of us acquire: money, clothing, a car, etc. I said that I wouldn’t have a problem if those kinds of things were taken away, because I don’t place my security in them. I hadn’t considered taking them from myself, but that’s exactly what the Peace Corps would mean for two years. I like that idea a lot.

Another idea I like a lot is mini-golf with friends on Tuesday at Mountasia. So far, it’s definitely Jason and Cassi. We’ve asked the other Jason and I’m hoping Melissa will come along, too. The more the merrier, right? I can’t wait!

Plant alone: Plant

Okay, laugh if you want. I like how this turned out. It’s a plant amidst grass.

Isn’t it a wonderful thing to be human? Mmm… I’m free to not regret anything I do, but I could if I wanted to. If it’s the truth, I’ll say it, but I could lie just the same. It sometimes feels like we can protect people by hiding things from them, but we could reveal them in the same way. Are you familiar with the term “damage control?” It’s tragic that people who seem to have such power over things are really so powerless, given to worthless things, like avarice, depravity, etc.

I think real power comes not from your ability to control others but in the way you are able to control yourself. I’m waking up from my dream-life; I’m opening my eyes to the lies I’d closed them on. I’m realizing that there’s something worth salvaging here, even though I threw that part of me away before. I’ve learned that inhibitions exist for a reason; carelessness is destructive. I was confused about what I wanted, and yet I guess I knew all along. Like hitting black ice, I let myself spin aimlessly into the dark, but, with Spring, the ice has melted into water. I’m swimming furiously to keep from drowning, from being drawn back into the sea I was swept away in years ago.

The gasp, the deep life-breath, is this: change. Change is the most beautiful part of being human. I will change. I will revert from being powerless. I will transform into something worth Time’s while, worthy of Destiny’s design. I will change myself into something good.

Lately, I’ve felt kind of lost. It’s like I needed some time to find myself again, who I like to be, but it’s not like I can be like that everywhere. I mean, I guess I just need a vacation. It’s coming soon! I’m looking forward to it.

Well, today I was thinking about my past. I’ve seen three of the girls I’ve dated just in this week/last weekend. While I despise one of them, another one is still wierd to me, and the other one was nice to talk to. Honestly, except for the learning aspect, I probably shouldn’t have dated any of them. One of them I didn’t like to begin with (go on; chew me out; I know you want to). Another one was too young/immature. The other one really just isn’t what I’m looking for. I mean, none of them are what I’m looking for. I don’t want someone who only cares for appearances. I don’t want someone who doesn’t ever share their opinion, who never openly disagrees, and I don’t want someone who doesn’t want to think about anything.

I want a girl who knows what she wants. It’s not really that hard, if you think about it. I want someone who can be focused on things. I want someone who expects to work at the relationships she’s in and expects the same. I guess I want someone who has a strong sense of dignity and self-worth. Don’t get offended when I say this, but I’ve dated trash, for the most part. Trash is the kind of thing you don’t have a problem parting with, as soon as you see it for what it is. Trash only looks like it fits in with trash, though some will prize it as treasure. The only beauty trash has is the gilded glint of it burning, fading from my memories; it gives such a warmth to know that what made me happy for a day of confusion has a good counterpart. Right now, I’m without such a treasure, but perhaps I’m trash myself.

Well, it looks like I managed to keep my 4.00 GPA. You should realize that “4.00″ at Southern Poly. is really not an accomplishment, unless you’re part of the Architecture program. Actually, that’s probably a miracle, but I digress. Anyway, I was shaky on what my grade would be for Physics, since I rarely studied for the quizzes. Don’t get me wrong, I studied for the mid-term and the final. I did really well on those. I never missed a lab, etc. However, I really didn’t apply myself at all. Don’t think I was worried, since I didn’t ever check my grade in that class. It’s more like a game of Russian Roulette, the sensation I got when wondering what my grade would be in that class. Admittedly, my other classes were give-me’s.

In other news, it’s Summer! I can already feel my mind slipping away. I struggled on the word “admittedly” a few sentences ago. Eh, I’m pretty excited about Summer. However, there are those who will start Summer off in a sad state. Mr. Kearney, whom I owe my passing grade in Calc. II, is facing a pretty hard time in his life right now. His wife’s funeral was this last Thursday, which I attended. I’ve heard that it’s pretty much broken him. Mrs. Kearney was afflicted with skin cancer, and, from the photo show that played at the funeral, I personally feel that she’s in a far better place than she must have been in a few weeks/months ago. It’s still a very trying time for Kearney. He doesn’t seem like the kind of person to seek encouragement from others, though. I believe he will persevere through this eventually.

Not to take anything away from the seriousness of the matter at hand, but I seriously don’t like the Catholic Church and its practices. The funeral was Catholic. I’m going to assume the Kearney family is, as well. I can’t understand how a “Hail Mary” can help anyone, nor can I see what good saying it 50 times does you. Yes, “50″ is not a typo. Consequently, I can’t see how that could have been any comfort to Kearney, which distresses me. I personally felt that the funeral was less of a funeral and more of a Catholic service. Perhaps that IS helpful to Kearney as a practicing Catholic (?), but I severely doubt it helped as a man, husband, widower. Michael L. and I will probably do something for Kearney. If you want in on it, talk to one of us. I’m thinking maybe a card of condolence or something.