everything except himself

One of my friends told me last week that she knew of a movie that she thought I’d like. Heh, she was right. She let me borrow “Ten Things I Hate About You.” I thought it was really funny and even more so that it was well put together. The way the cliques and groups in the high school were portrayed was spot on, and the score (yes, it deserves to be called a “score”) was always in the right way to help the movie along. The song lyrics for this post come from a Semisonic song off the movie. Come to think of it, most of the songs were British in nature. I think I’ve found a new musical addiction… Well, I mean, I’ve always liked this kind of stuff. Let’s think about it, uhm, Sixpence None The Richer, Aqua, Eiffel 66, oh, and Coldplay. Yeah, see! Sheesh, and the Beatles, of course! Man…

Am I really that different? I mean, I realize that I don’t do “normal” things like hang out with an excessively loud group of “friends,” drink alcohol, go clubbin’, etc… but why does EVERYONE tell me I’m weird? It’s my nose, isn’t it? I knew it… Oh, or maybe you found out that I like to read books. Yeah, I know I should quit, but I just can’t seem to put them down.

Speaking of reading, I felt like a total geek when I was watching “Ten Things I Hate About You.” You see, there’s this part that has a little spoof on something that Shakespeare would have written to his lover, right, except that the whole thing is spelled correctly and is properly punctuated. I cringed. Oh, well… Wait! Poe gets some advertisement in the movie, too. The lead girl (Katarina) has “POE” written in white out on her black notebook for lit. class. Ah, if only such things didn’t just exist in movies!

Okay, I’m trying something new here to see how well this goes over with all of you who read this…

School sucks, but I did better on two things than I thought. Can’t wait for the weekend. Bye.

So, I’m standing in this corridor. There are rooms on either side, and the decor is like something straight out of a 1940s hotel. I mean, it’s got the swanky carpet and the gaudy chandeliers and all. Instead of room numbers, there’s something scrawled into the plate that would have held the number, but I can’t read it.

So, I start down this hallway, only to realize very quickly that it is circular, but there aren’t any outlets. It just keeps going on and on. Then I realize that I recognize a door. Now that I look at it, it’s actually colored differently than the other doors. I open it and walk in to what looks like the same corridor I just stepped out of. Walking on, I see more of the same colored doors (the ones that I recognize). I take another one, but on the opposite side, thinking perhaps that I will go back to the corridor I started in. All of the doors are now recognizeable.

Wait! The scrawling on the door plates is all the same! I keep trying to go backward, but all I can do is move forward. Then I see it! A door that is not that same color, but… but I don’t know what’s behind that door. Perhaps I will have to leave this never-ending hallway, if I walk through it? Isn’t that what I want though? I’m scared of it. It’s plain and simple. I open the door.

I had closed my eyes before I stepped through; it’s scary to do something you have no clue about, and I am embarassed by myself more than by anyone else. Looking now, it looks like the same corridor; however, there are less of those recognizable doors, but I am not tempted to take one again. No, I feel an ecstasy at taking another one of the doors with an opportunity of seeing the unknown. This strange feeling wells up in me as I go through each door, crossing between the corridors, the events of life, and through the doors, my opportunities. Life is, indeed, a never-ending corridor because of which we fear that we may one day have to leave before we reach its finish.

I stress over the little problems we face a bit too much, but this weekend was really good. There’s this girl. You’d really have to know her, but she’s usually very out-going and happy, totally non-serious, and funny. She calls my attention, and she says, “Scott, I wanna make a pact with you. I’m serious. If neither of us are married by like thirty-something, we should get married.” No objections here. I think Fall is an aphrodisiac, though I don’t know why.

I’ve changed. You can’t see it, so don’t look. I’m a different person now. Unfortunately, I’ve still got Calc homework, so I can’t explain to you what this change is. I blame acceptance and painting, though… and Coldplay. I definitely blame Coldplay.

I think this will be a good weekend. I think it’s starting off well because I haven’t eaten anything at all today. Don’t worry, I’m not turning anorexic on you guys. I’ll pick up real food (read “fast food”) before I go to work. I just can’t take much more of this school food… Anyway, I think I just aced my Calc II quiz, so that would bring my grade up to an A for now. I mean, the grade really isn’t important. It’s that you understand the material, but I DO understand the material and I KNOW I could have aced that test, which makes me angry with myself. Contrary to this feeling, I could care less about my CS1002 (computer history/introduction to computer science) and how poorly I did in memorizing things I don’t care about. Better luck next time, I guess.

There’s an awkward yet exciting silence. Hands entwine as partners are chosen. The music starts. (forward step) How far will she fall back? (back step) How far do I want her to go? (forward step) What if I never stop? (forward step) Let’s see what she will do. (back step) Will this be a match? (turn) She has beautiful eyes (forward step) and full lips, (forward step) but what am I to her? (dip; pause) And who will I be tomorrow? (back step; back step) Will she be there? (turn) I wonder… (forward step; back step; forward step; forward step; back step; turn; forward step; forward step; dip; pause; back step; back step; turn)

Silence. (forward step; back step; forward step; forward step; back step; turn; forward step; forward step; dip; pause; back step; back step; turn)

Well, the week’s already almost half over. Man, I have three assignments due for Speech next week. Wonderful… Of course, the part I won’t tell you is that I’ve had a week already to do two of them, so… Anyway, so I picked up two Our Lady Peace CDs (”Happiness is not a fish you can buy” and “Gravity”). Heh, I’ve been going through and actually purchasing the music that I’ve stolen lately. They’re an awesome band. I mean, you’ve probably actually heard the song “Gravity,” (”Last time I talked to you, you were lonely and out of place…”) but both of their CDs that I bought are really finished, you know? It’s not like they found a hit single then gave up on the rest of the CD, like some bands. Anyway, check ‘em out or borrow my CDs, if you frequent D’ville on the weekends.

EDIT: I think I just made a C on my computer history quiz…

Sunday I got a reality check. I take people too lightly. I don’t bother to remember their names. I even forgot someone’s face, but I’m ahead of myself again. Here’s the story…

Sunday is my day to go back to the college campus and catch up on all of the stuff I didn’t do over the weekend. I drive back because I make a weekly return to my parents’ house for laundry, but this week we find out that the vent for the dryer is clogged. So, I get a late start back; it’s already dinner time. I hit McDonald’s for a Big Mac (the service gets worse the more I visit there), and then go over to Publix for Pepsi. If you don’t know this about me, Pepsi is practically my life-blood. Anyway, so I’m going to check out. After waiting a bit, it’s my turn to pay. Being the friendly person I am (I know — laugh. You know you want to… ) I say the “Hi. How’re you doing?” thing. The cashier asks if I’ve graduated yet. Now, that’s wierd, since I don’t recognize this person, and, unless there was a 2-for-1 deal, she only charged me for 1 of the six-packs. What am I to this girl!?

I walk out to my car and drive back to the campus. I don’t remember when it was, but I was thinking that her asking if I’d graduated must mean that I had met her before. Then it hits me… There was this girl (Trisha) in one of my classes Senior year that was completely dumbfounded that I’d hand her my wallet (she was asking for a dollar for a drink). She was completely amazed that I’d trust her. Perhaps she’s not trustworthy, (she did only charge me for one of the items ) but I’m pretty sure that, if people attribute some quality to someone, especially a very impressionable person, they’ll either start believing it or do it. In this case, perhaps she’ll be trustworthy because of my actions. Hmmm, maybe not…

So, got the first Calc II test back: 89. Wondeful. Now I’m holding on to my B+ like it’s where I belong. I made two stupid mistakes that I should probably be smitten for by the gods of Calculus. One dealt with not paying attention to adding in parentheses at the proper spots for the chain rule, while the other was that I mistakenly applied the anti-derivative rules to a derivative problem. Wow, should be slapped for that one… Anywho, and then there was the violation of the Kearney Thesis, in which you shall be smote by the gods of Calculus for not using a number line as proof. Did the teacher ever ONCE suggest the use thereof at all in this class? Uhm, nope, and I’ve been there every day. I’m really not angry, though. I’ll just have to take my time on the next one and go back and look at what I did. Sheesh…

[garbage]… humans… are in the habit of “rationalizing”¹ [their] decisions too often… wrong! [superfluity]

[pointless description]… No one wants to face reality… [description in story form]

What we recognize protects us… [lead-in to conclusion: “Wake up and smell the coffee.”]

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¹ “rationalizing”… This is ironic, since it isn’t rational at all. This is actually known as cognitive dissonance.