everything except himself

I forget why I was thinking about it, but for some reason I had found myself in the middle of looking for a poem from a show called “Blue Sub No. 6″. The poem, as presented in the English version, goes this way:

“Today, today,”
Each day I have waited for you.
And now, do they not say you are strewn
        with the shells of Ishi River?

The show makes an allusion to it being from the Manyoushuu, which is, wait for it, volumes and volumes of Japanese poetry, including thousands of poems. And, to top that off, they’re not written in modern Japanese, since they were written in the 7th-8th century.

So, I looked online and no one had even so much as ganked a transcription of the Blue Sub No. 6 version. Then, I gave up because no one had done the work for me, but, being who I am, I tried looking it up again to no avail. So, I had stumbled across the untranslated version of the Manyoshu at the University of Virginia Library Electronic Text Center website (here). And so, in a stroke of what I can only call brilliance, I searched for a double-occurrence of the word (in Japanese) for “today” (今日). I found a poem that had it, and began trying to pick out words to translate to see what it was about. It turns out that it was the wrong poem. So, long, boring, frustrating story short, I searched for not only a double-occurrence of “today” but for a second phrase (thank you Virginia) of “Ishi River” (石川). And then I ended up at the right poem, Manyoushuu #224: here (look for the red text of 224).

I made a weak attempt (because Japanese is hard for me, apparently) at the translation of the end note (that’s the part marked by “[ＫＷ]” on the original) and of the poem itself:

I wait for you, saying,
“Today! Today! He will come today!”
Even though they all say
You have become mixed
With the things of the Ishi River gorge.

Type: An Elegy
Author: Yosami no Otome (妻依羅娘子) (a woman)
Description: A song for Kakinomoto no Hitomaro (柿本人麻呂),
her husband, when he was near death at Shimane (島根).

In so doing, I learned more than I wanted to know about “Early Old Japanese”. For instance, how the transcription of the poem into modern Japanese doesn’t do it justice because it uses a completely different set of sounds (i.e. it’s in a markedly different dialect of the language). Or, you know, how the sentence particles are used completely differently. Also of note, the poem is setup having syllables occurring in 5-7-5-7-7. But wait! The modern Japanese looks like:

けふけふと,	kyou kyou to, [sic]
わがまつきみは,	wagamatsukimiwa,
いしかはの,	ishikawano,
かひに, まじりて,	kahini, majirite,
ありといはずやも	arito iwazu yamo

The last line has 8! And, lo and behold, in this dialect, when two vowels occur side by side, one of them gets dropped. Go figure. So, 7 syllables it is. Also, the first line is literally romanized as “kefukefuto”, but I don’t know how you go from “today, today” (今日今日), which I would think turns into “kyou, kyou,” to “kefu, kefu.” Maybe someone can explain it.

At any rate, curiosity thoroughly exhausted.

Well, this past week has been kind of a long one for me. It started out without me having a computer, but that’s fixed now. In that time, I finished a book, something I recently haven’t made a habit out of doing. I spend most of my off-time hanging out with Jess or talking through AIM or the phone. I get hassled for playing games or being distracted, but she does it, too. Like, she was totally playing Tetris while I was talking to her on the phone. It honestly doesn’t bother me, but she super-hassles me about that kind of stuff if it’s in-person, even though she’s busy with other things. It was a bit of a downer when she wouldn’t let me cheer her up at all after something school-related happened on Thursday, but I told her that, next time, I’ll just get her a manicure and not feel down about it.

In other news, shopping for yarn was interesting. Jo-Ann’s stocks stuff called “bling-bling,” and, albeit not silver, platinum, ice, or gold, it is sparkly. I think the solid colors they stock look better, though. I drew a drowning poliwog during the car ride, and I got an idea for a more serious drawing I could do. I’ve yet to test out drawing with my tablet since I’ve replaced the motherboard and the CPU of my machine.

On that note, my machine runs faster now. I’ve had a hell of a time getting it back up to speed, since ATI’s drivers suck and Windows Update is completely non-intuitive. All the updates brought problems of their own, like slowing down Internet Explorer. There’s a registry modification you can make to lessen the things that load/are checked by Internet Explorer, so it loads quickly again on starting up. NullDC, the Dreamcast emulator, runs Soul Calibur faster now and almost syncs the audio in Sword of the Berserk: Guts’ Rage on time. I’ve yet to run my PS games on ePSXe, but I imagine I’ll be happy to see the little minor hang-ups/frame losses fixed.

As a closing note, Jess is coming over for lunch/dinner this Sunday! Yay for Father’s Day. I’m excited about seeing a movie with her, and going out for ice cream, too. I’m really excited that yesterday was payday, though. I leeched a pen from work earlier to deposit the check, though.

Well, “Pirates” (synecdoche for “Pirates of the Caribbean 3″) was released today (Thursday). It wasn’t fun at all to deal with that many people. I did get to see one of the managers I hadn’t gotten to harass yet since being back, though. At the end of work, I ended up having to drive one of my co-workers to his apartment. I nearly ran into the divider making a turn onto the road. I mean, it wasn’t well-lighted at all and it even seems totally out of place to put one there, where the road should be. On the way actually home for me, I had to stop by Kroger and pick up food.

Right now a hug would be good along with some down time — down time and a hug. Perhaps I wouldn’t normally recognize these things, but speaking with weird accents to reminds me of someone and so did that Shinedown song “Forty-Five.” I can’t wait until Jess comes back from her vacation! Well, I mean, I can wait, obviously, since it’s not going to change how long she’s gone for, but I wish the next couple of days would zoom by so it seems quicker than it actually is.

Grades finally came in! I ended up with all “A”’s again. I was honestly thinking that Chemistry could be a “B,” but apparently I did well enough on the final to keep my grade above that. In other news, I think my car is behaving now. “Behaving” is synonymous with not trying to kill me, but, well, that’s a big step for recent car-related activites.

I’m very happy with how things are right now in my life; it goes beyond grades and car repairs, though. I think it’s something that I’ve never had or had very little of in the past. No, I don’t mean happiness. What I mean to say is that there’s some kind of substance to the happiness and that it’s not just like something that will fade when the moment is over. I’m not really sure how to describe it correctly. I like it, though.

So, I had a CHEM test today, and I really feel that I did very well on it. For only being in class for one lecture on these chapters, I’d say that’s an accomplishment. I guess, though, understanding and keeping up with the teacher is an accomplishment that anyone who actually attends class can take pride in, if they can keep up. I’d probably get carpal tunnel trying to write what I needed down before she erases it from the board. Though I haven’t been going to class, I did do the 13 pages of problems she sent out to us, and, rather than read the book, I looked online for explanations, since the book sugar-coats chemistry as something you have to understand and skimps out on the actual application and repeatability part; I don’t like the textbook.

In other news, I dry heaved acid this morning and my fever disappeared, so I think I’m good now. I had trouble tasting breakfast, but I’m glad the fever is gone.

I was really sick over the weekend. I’m better now, though. It was a fever among other things. I learned that my radio/alarm clock no longer works like it’s supposed to when I tried to set it to 9AM. I suppose I have had it for a long time, though. The volume knob doesn’t work right anymore; you have to fidget with it to get it to work.

So, I had the station set to 90.1, which is the National Public Broadcasting station here in Georgia. They play classical/instrumental music all through the night. I probably listened to it for an hour or so. It made me want to start playing the keyboard again. I need to go through and find all my sheet music to start practicing with again. The papers are scattered about my room, since I have a few on my art desk and a few on top of my dresser. Honestly, though, I’d like to play a real piano, but I suppose it’s pointless if I don’t really play all that well to begin with.

Fate apparently likes to set me dancing with Death. After getting caught in traffic on a road that should have only had minimal traffic (Six Flags, fire your GA management! They are clearly unqualified.), I continued with my commute to school. About 3 quarters of the way to school, I start to smell gasoline. There were lots of huge diesel trucks around, so I wrote it off as just being proximity. Ah, but how close was I to the problem, really! I look down at my gas gauge to find that it was hugging the yellow “E” line, where I had had at least half a tank before I left the house.

At this point, I’m alarmed. I usually remain calm through anything — and I did through this, too — but my heart was beating like someone in one of those awful, low-budget horror films. So, I pull into a gas station, and I fill up my empty tank. The numbers on the screen that tell you how many gallons have gone into your tank had gone past how many gallons my car could hold! I look down behind my car to see a trail of gasoline. Looking under the car, I can see it leaking into a puddle.

Now, Death pulls me in for a second dance with the fury of an incensed lover. I start my car up and drive off toward a service station. My tank is nearly full. It’s an old car, maybe the gauge just isn’t working. It’s leaking; you saw it! What are you thinking? The gauge is still going down. Maybe it’s nothing. Only half a tank already!? Red light. Was that smoke from under the hood? Green light; red light. That’s smoke from under the hood! Who the hell wants to hear Kurt Cobain right now!? Then, safety — I had reached the service station.

It turns out that my fuel line had become disconnected. One of the guys working kind of looks at me with this “Why are you still alive?” look and says, “Yeah, that could have been dangerous. I mean, it could have caught fire.” So, the line having been repaired, I was back on the road. I swear, Death was riding shotgun, grinning all the way.

So, I had a Chemistry test today. This makes #3 for the semester. On the first one, I did really well. I didn’t study for #2, so I didn’t even bother to pick the test up after it was graded. Now, for #3, I’ve been studying off-and-on for 2 weeks now. I feel angry at myself for not doing all of the problems that she gave out to us in handout form. 3 of those were on the test today. I guess I shouldn’t lament until I see what my grade is, but I already know I missed 1 or 2 of the multiple choice questions. Again, upset because I read the answer in the book when I read the chapter, and then, on the test, I couldn’t remember. I must have value assignment/impact assessment issues.

It’s times like these that it feels like my mind will swell like a balloon and burst. I feel like my mind is a leaf in this world-sized toaster oven, dried up and just waiting to be stepped on by some devious child’s stomp. I will probably look back on college with a sigh of remorse and self-loathing. It’s been my responsibility from Day 1, really, and I ought to have taken it like Atlas, since it was given to me in the same way. The critical issue here is: Can that make me happy (i.e. is achievement in college something that is gratifying to me)? I suppose that it is, since I’ve written all this. I think I will try giving up on things aside from college, until I can manage my time properly to fit them in.

I hate it when it rains in Marietta. There were like 3 spots where police officers were cleaning up car accidents on the commute home Tuesday night. There have been some pretty wickedly ironic scenes, though, come to think of it. First, there was this “One Way” sign that had obviously been hit by a car. It was bent in such a way that the sign’s “One Way” arrow was pointing into the sky. That Tuesday night, one of the accidents involved this van that had these words on the back: “Jesus Saves.” While my heart goes out to those people, I think I need to find a way to write like that. It wouldn’t be in some cliche way. I don’t know, but it seems interesting.

Well, it turns out that there was a bar I could go to, but we had company. If that particular one wasn’t only on Saturday, I would have gone tonight. So, I decided to do something else to get into character for this paper I have to write, pretending to be a homosexual. I shaved my chest. Being descended from wookies, it took me over an hour and a half to do. I could really pass for an emo kid now, what with the hair and now this. Maybe I’ll start a band where all of our song metaphors somehow have to deal with blood and/or cutting. Hmmm, probably not.